Saturday afternoon, its raking light on the

Saturday afternoon, its raking light on the buildings nearby and Patripassian's remote choirs triumphed over my serenity. I sense persistently being closer from the sky in this part of the world. I see lengthy waves washing over in silence. Time is slipping by before my very eyes, and beauty overwhelms me... radiating from a hidden source. Times are agitated. All this pressure, all these so tight schedules, all those changes to come so quickly, this frightening wide open horizon, this exhaustion beyond exhaustion... I feel a bit in pieces inside, completely submerged by this beauty. The truth is... The truth is that I am somewhat surprised to recover feelings, and I wish I wouldn't; I am unable to get anything done, put in the most confused state. There is too much light, it feels like approaching spring, emptying rooms, releasing schedules, and should I look like someone who prefers architecture to people, leaving places. And I am unavoidably and slowly slipping into a long-forgotten condition I shouldn't dare admitting to myself... Stop my heart beating so strong, stop myself breathing so fast...

There are people I miss.  S. is gone for moving for weeks now and I can't hold back any longer all the things I have to tell, missing our night-long conversations, and... and to such a striking point I did not expect before. There's an old friend whose recent troubles I have no explanation about, remaining helpless before what's running out of my reach. I wish we could sit around beers and talk for hours, as in some good old days which never existed. I wish we could communicate at all. But you wouldn't talk to me... You never talked to me... 

There are some people whom I begin not to miss, which is pretty annoying.

There is lastly a presence I consistently feel surrounded with. The truth is that I am smoldering; I doubt it is a good thing.  No sleep tonight, again; I'm off to work again.

Comments

[Solvant]

Il y a une lumière qui ne s'éteint jamais... Et je pense que tu es en plein milieu. Tu recherches un signe venu des étoiles alors que l'étoile c'est ce rayonnement qui pulse en toi en ce moment, vois donc les choses d'en haut, et pas d'en bas. Le tapis va se dérouler de lui-même, pas d'inquiétude, on va toujours vers le mieux.