Halo Manash/Aural Holograms tour, day 1: Antwerpen, Nuit & Brouillard festival

A sentence, more likely a real fact, I had in mind all along the preparation of this trip: I never did anything that incredible, that daring. Escaping studies in the fair middle of the most intense burst of work I ever had to face, for the sake of music and friendship - involving all that could involve in terms of additional load of work, of financial means, but also of simple importance which some have to my eyes. On paper the plan seemed so extravagant that I could barely believe in what I was about to do; maybe this accounted in the exaggerated anxiety that tinted each of my euphoric heartbeats.
I left my flat in the usual messy hurry that predeces journeys, after a week I thought I wouldn't survive to, still working at the last minute and bringing school books in my suitcase; sent the last letters, and ran down lightheartedly from the university to the coach bus station. The one going to Vantaa was just embarking people as I arrived, and I asked some woman to confirm it was the right one, since nothing was displayed on the bus indicating board. "It is the one to Vantaa indeed, you have to change at..." The painful invariability of endings in places' names makes remembering them a terribly difficult task for a foreigner, and the inability of the driver to speak English did not help. Nevermind... I stepped on and sat down, and stared at the snow shining on the sidewalks, and the bright sun and blue sky of this country I was for once not sick to quit.
The diffuse anguish got sharper as the sun set and the snow melted, driving South, as moments of drownsiness made me believe I might have missed the connection for Vantaa. We were driving for over two hours and no sign of any direction, only an unknown highway surrounded by fields, forests and rare industry buildings I did not recognize at all. Where am I? Where am I? I figured out we were drifting somewhere eastwards, to some town on the coast, that we would arrive after my plane had left, or too late to join Helsinki, how to join there on time, how to cancel check-in, would I miss the Antwerpen venue, should I cancel the whole journey for I had been too ambitious and some divine punishment fell upon myself? In ten minutes I'd been petrified by terror enough for half an hour. This was all fancy of the mind, of course; but arrived in Vantaa I worried then about the boarding pass, the security control, the time left to get to the gate, the gate itself, my ability to read time... Everything went well of course again, though I think I begin to suffer from pressure changes.

On the next day, Saturday, the bliss got more and more intense. Laurent took me in Brussels to drive me to Antwerpen along with a bass drum for the Aural Holograms set. I listened with interest and delight to his stories about concert organization and journeys throughout Europe as we were driving... We arrived soon at the Hof Ter Lo venue. People were setting up the stands, and I briefly moved in the hall, were the Flemish guys and girl of Militia were placing their material - lots of oil drums and gas cylinders, auto parts of all kinds and regular drumming instruments filled up the stage. It felt good to be surrounded by Flemish people, and French-speaking Belgian even, better than in Paris or wherever in France, still abroad even so close... The guys of Savage Republic, whose bold accent did not leave any doubt regarding their American origins, were having fun in a corner, emptying a duty-free Jägermeister flask. Laurent dropped the huge drum and we left again to pick up another one - smaller and electronic. The seller lived in a nearby district, quite posh one, with an intense Belgian feeling in the peace of the streets and the large avenues which remained as a striking memory of the last time I came there. Laurent bought the drum machine from the guy, living in a wealthy house, then we drunk a beer in a very typical pub, talking about Current 93 and Czech Republic, and Poland, and Finnish beers. My host had the thoughfulness to bring me in an again very typical friterie to eat something, as the evening was supposed to last long. My own thoughts were flowing toward the Hof Ter Lo... We took the car again, my impatience aroused; each red light was a pain, and as we arrived at last in sight of the building, I recognized in a glance a very familiar side-shaved head - Eric! The car was parked a bit further to the Hof Ter Lo, I greeted the usual society of Parisian Nuit & Brouillard festivals adepts that were gathering around and rushed to the entrance. My long-cherished friend and I fell into each other's arms as soon as we met!
I followed Laurent into the building before the regular door opening, where a slight tension would be perceived among the staff that was taking their place behind the bar or the stands, looking forward to the firstcomers. The feeling was really communicating - I got nervous myself. I heard with delight the now so familiar Finnish accent as a manner to underpronounce the -sh- sounds, as one of the Finnish öen dropped by the hall - so used to hear it that way that I can't help now going with the flow. The Parisians came, Eric arrived, we were so glad to talk. He told he would relocate just behind the Belgian border, from the French point of view, very near to Lille. That would be to me no bad news... Seemed that times are tough for everybody around, but should it be Finland or a deeper inner change, I can't say the same about my own state of mind... Troum began soon to play, and we moved toward the stage in the high and large hall of the Hof Ter Lo.

Wide screen projections, blue, green and silver, shivering spiderwebs on two guys quite classically concentrating on their switches and buttons,  but also using sounds such as the harmonics of a bowed spring or distorted from a melodica. I had heard about Troum before, not dug that deep for I was a bit suspicious of the sort of buzz that existed around them... I did not figure out beforehand that they yearned that much for a thorough transcendental insight on these works. It is afterwards understandable. Troum's music is built on crescendos, exalting rises; very much rythmic and electronic, 'awake', 'active'; not so contemplative though. It was quite a pleasant and intense set, merely musically speaking, but without comparison with what I expected - and got - from the Aural Holograms set.

I stayed in the hall with Eric during the break, talking and laughing and teasing him, eating cookies together for we hadn't anything else to eat. He's among the few ones to have this discipline of spending most of the time in front of the performances, for so many more stick to the bar during them...  The Finns of Aural Holograms began to set up their instruments, Aki addressed me a brief sign from the stage, and Eric whispered to me that I should stay besides him for the set as the last time in Antwerpen... The ambient light faded out as Antti Ittna H. came, igniting incense after having switched on some harsh vibration, which faded itself as Jussi Saivo (half of Tiermes) arrived and fire-tinted spotlights blazed. Sporadically they beated the large and thick gongs placed leftwards and rightwards to the bass drum, and were already pacing up and down the stage - not aimless as far as I could perceive it, not purposefully either but perhaps guided, in a sense. The third member of this late-emerging formation on the label Aural Hypnox, gathering in addition the other half of Halo Manash, Aki(z), entered the stage carrying a rudimentary censer from which a very thick and opaque smoke emanated in dense volutes, that in a blink of the eye wrapped the entire hall to the point of invading the backstage. The smoke smelt like clay, it erased the distance and filled the emptiness; suddenly we were all part of it. Eric besides me was taking photos with obvious delight, I knew I could rely on him when coming to visual representation of what would happen there. I closed my eyes...
I closed my eyes for it was worth concentrating on the sound itself, intensely focusing on the slow-developing drones but even more on the irregular drumming, yearning for complete immobility and stability, being swallowed by the vibrations of the bronze drums that saturated the room at the most forceful moments, outperforming and overwhelming the interventions of the usual windbones, vibrating with them and with all. I can't tell how long I kept my eyes shut, barely breathing in the smoke, just lost my sense of time. This was not the first time such a disorientation happened, nor was it the most intense experience - no - different. Something straighter, more 'purposeful' perhaps, less immaterial, for the little reference I have which consists mainly in the last Halo Manash performance. The latter might biase any judgment, for it is in essence about immateriality... Digging deeper, the more scholar focus on sound research of Aural Holograms might be rather clearly perceivable, even if paradoxically this might be one of the most literally 'occult' projects of the label - for most of the process takes places out of sight and depend on characteristics of precise locations.
I emerged from lethargy as drones were fading away and re-opened my eyes. However I feel unable to piece memories of the end of the performance. I guess I was still not there. As the architectural drone structure, the backbone of the composition, was weakening, so followed the rest of the instrumentation and rhythms, as freewheeling before dying. The backing tape was not definitively silent that the audience bursted into loud cheers and applause. So did I...
Some punk girl said she was surprised it was so mystical... I could have spoken but was unwilling to do so. It feels like a point was not even reached but largely left beyond, a point where feelings are so personal that they're not likely to be shared and could not even be, since words wouldn't fit - usual thought wouldn't even. This is something which took up some time for me to accept it...

I mechanically followed Eric to the stalls, maybe... maybe we spoke with Laurent, I don't recall exactly; I then lost track of Eric, no - no, Militia's performance began and we got back to the stage. All the material I saw just before the soundcheck was back, and the five members of the band were hitting from all their hearts on the drums, be they regular or more surprising ones. That was a false start though, as the material needed to be checked again before playing. Militia's energy on stage would easily make forget it is no younger than a ten-year act; although there was sometimes no real musical purpose in using such-and-such metallic stuff to produce sounds, their long tracks reminded here and there of some voodoo beating mixed with jazzy tempi and military marches. Needless to say that the former influences were much more refreshing than the latter... Very spectacular on stage, Militia got slightly boring after a while, giving forth this said very intense but possibly vain energy. I moved back to the stands, bought some delightful Indian food, sat down in the back of the hall, rambled around to the other side... I caught a brief glimpse of a too familiar silhouette and moved back to my first location; no one in sight.
Nonetheless Aki materialized at my side some time thereafter. We talked a lot, about Rudolf Steiner who I still don't know much of, about how the Russian tour was perceived by the artists themselves - "the first time I knew why we were doing it" or something along those lines - about the headlining of festivals and the new Halo Manash releases of course. Most of the words just dissolved, some yet spring up sometimes as do some mental snapshots, but the overall feeling remains bright clear... We attended to a bit of the Savage Republic show, the most unrecognized cult band ever - some precursory post-rockish rock, mainly instrumental, made by guys who began in the seventies and are still doing what they did at that time. At least the longevity was to be praised, if not the genuine quality of their music - it indeed requires some faith to do so.
We ended up with the Finns and the German people, in an exhilarating atmosphere, I recall trying to follow two conversations at a time including one in German, eating salmiakki candies, and Martin from Troum telling "Rotting in the soil... This is no funny way to end" - Antti asking very seriously why I was laughing whereas I swear I was not, whisky and beers and myself trying to explain why learning Finnish is worthy something and being qualified as "strange girl" for this mere reason. Not much of all that was running there and under that night, I have to recognize. I left deeply lighthearted as Laurent came, fell once again in Eric's arms on the way to the car,  jumped in and we left Antwerpen. I was so exhausted that I hardly kept my eyes open lifted back to Brussels. I drowned into sleep as soon as I reached my bed - so deeply lightheated, full of music, friendship - love.

Comments

[Juomi]

Thanks for rectifying the mistake! Seems I'm pretty familiar of the fact, any precisions are then appreciated. It looked much like technical difficulties.
As for what I'm writing about your project, don't deceive yourself with it. I did not feel writing anything especially negative on your set. It was good, actually, I still have some recordings and have a listen with pleasure; but the point is that after weeks of hectic work and hours in buses, planes, trains and cars all in the very previous hours, oil drums beating is very likely to give me headaches after a while, which was the case there. This is the same with bands I appreciate a lot, like Test Dept. This is the same with some albums of various genres I hold as masterpieces but can hardly listen in a row. I know the issue about little rehearsal opportunity and variable co-drummers, and this is not a reproach.
About the order of passage, I'd have felt quite strange to see you first, then ambient bands, then Savage Republic with their moderate reliance on metallic percussions. Should you really complain of co-headlining the festival?
And lastly regarding Troum and Aural Holograms... well, no accounting for tastes! (Both mine and of the audience which obviously did not find them, the latter especially, as far as I can tell, that boring...) ;)
No offense, and keep up your work!
Cheerio!

[frank]

Hi there, seems that you have made a rather stupid mistake in your review of the Militia live performance:there was no technical failure or whatever at the beginning of our live performance, we just had to check the microphones and the mixing board before we could start playing our music, on the sound engineer's request. We play ALL of our instruments live you see, not like most bands who just need to plug in their electronic devices and let THEM do all the work. We started playing the videotape right at the beginning of the actual concert, see.
And if you think we're boring, it would be better to look at yourself, and yeah, why not,perhaps we should have played first in line and not after two VERY boring bands had played the public almost to sleep.

[Everlasting]

Makes me remember one trip to czech republic forests to see The Gathering this summer. I know I would have regretted abandoning the extravagant project out of fear, and it was a fantastic experience in the end, and I'm sure you feel the same, so it definitely was a good idea, or should I say, even mandatory.
Keep moving forth.